WHEN THEY DON’T WANT TO BREAK UP WITH YOU AND THEY DON’T WANT TO BE WITH YOU, EITHER.
It’s the limbo that stings the most.
That space between breaking up and staying together, where you hang suspended between hope and despair. The slow unraveling of a love that once seemed so solid, now held together by threads of uncertainty. It’s a space where words like commitment and forever used to dwell, but now, the silence is deafening.
I’ve been there. It’s worse when you don’t know if you’re there.
It’s a kind of purgatory where one person refuses to close the door, yet can’t bring themselves to step fully through it. They don’t want to leave you, but they don’t want to stay either. And there you are, hoping for them to choose you—to stay, to love, to fight. Instead, you get mixed signals. A text here, a phone call there, a warm touch one day followed by cold distance the next.
You tell yourself, '“This isn’t real. We can get back to the love we had.” Which is the first sign you’re being abused by a narcissist.
But maybe you’ve already tried. Maybe you've had the late-night conversations, the tears, the promises to do better, to be better (whatever that means), to make it work. Nothing changes. The words are like smoke, intangible, curling in the air before they disappear. You want so badly for them to be real, but deep down, you know.
They don’t want to be with you. Not fully. But they don’t want to lose you either. Or see you with the upgraded version of who they should have been to you. For you.
It’s confusing and cruel, even though they might not mean for it to be. And sometimes, they don’t know it’s innate. In their veins. Guilty by blood. Literally. Maybe they’re afraid—of being alone, of acknowledging they are hurting you, of facing the unknown. Maybe they’re caught in their own uncertainty, scared of what it would mean to truly commit or to truly let go.
Here’s the thing: You are worth more than someone’s maybe 👈🏽 This link is clickable. Listen to the story.
You deserve to be full.y chosen. You deserve someone who doesn’t just keep you around out of convenience; you can be counted on to do the dishes, feed the dogs and keep the sheet corners on the bed hospital tight - but who encourages you to stay because they love your ambition and see your worth. Someone who looks at you and doesn’t just see comfort or familiarity, but sees an adventurous future they can’t imagine without you.
If they’re not willing to step into that future with you, then it’s time to close the door.
It’s not easy. It’s gut-wrenching. Walking away from someone who won’t fully commit is like tearing out a part of your soul. But staying - ugh. Staying in a place where you’re never completely chosen is a slow death. A death of self-worth, of hope, of the belief that you’re worthy of the kind of love that doesn’t flinch in the face of uncertainty.
Because that love exists. It starts with you choosing yourself first.
I know. I know because I was there. In the weeks to come you will find out how I finally threw myself out the window and landed broken … and alive.
This is my safe space. You are welcome here. And you are safe here. Reply with your version of how you found self love to see your sound bites in the next newsletter with an IG shoutout!
Until next Sunday - LOL.
Love, Bethsheba
